饥饿30 - 感想篇

好久没有上来聊聊天，忙碌的工作成了非常大的借口~好不容易逮到了机会参加饥饿30活动，

想换个环境透透气，想暂时离开自己的舒适区，感受不一样的人情世故…结果是…

1)      突然来到一个900多个义工的团体，有一点不适应；工作的环境让我习惯一个人做八     爪鱼，900多个人让我惊觉一个人再有能力，能做到的非常少。

2)      好久没有感受到那么爽快地付出；那里需要帮忙，只要组长开口，都有一群义工协助，再看看我自己，什么时候，我也学会了斤斤计较，先保护自己，不要吃亏。

3)      说是去认识新朋友，但却懒得先开口说话，什么时候，我不再像从前那么热情。

4)      说是义工，但只要自己的工作做完了，就懒得动了。就像平时上班一样，等着下班快点回家。

5)      不再期望之后会有什么后续，过了就算了。

6)      领养了一个小孩，只希望他快快乐乐长大，活着既然不容易，但让人想活下去的一定是一个美好的希望，希望他也是这么想。

生活既然那么多无奈，那生活下去的理由一定是让人觉得 -“我可以改变现在的状况”。

让我想想…现在可以让我继续走下去理由只有一个，

“If you see only one set of footprints in the sand, it was then that I carried you..,”

泛黄的圣经，多久没有打开来好好领受上帝的话语，说起来，又是让我惭愧的事情，朋友一句“Faith without work is dead”没有实际行动，又信念又如何？

我…无言…

祷告，已假装不了，因为袮的爱我需要，袮心意对我重...

Please carry me Lord…

Word n Music

仰望

4 May 2013

11pm

工作完毕，拖着疲惫的身躯，随便吃个晚餐，回家冲凉，简单收拾行李，准备去机场。但这次的心情不同，有种要完成一个使命的感觉。

6am

同事载我去KL Sentral,虽然早已买好票，但全程走路都是用 ’飞’的速度赶去坐KLIA Express
Train 到机场 - 我是个标准的 ‘紧张大师’，尤其是赶飞机。

9.20am

通常一上飞机我都一路睡到降落，但这次做我隔壁的小姐和我聊天，一直到降落前20分钟，没停过。我们成长的故事都不同，但我们都有同一个目的，我想当天回家的游子们都一样 – 就是把我们手中的一票投给未来。

3am

一直都有跟进选举的报告，但此时此刻，心情很复杂，睡不着~

终于

5 May 2013

7.13am

起床准备去投票，投票区外面很多人，尤其我的Saluran。虽然看了几百遍youtube的投票tutorial,还是忍不住问爸爸投票有什么程序，要注意些什么。

10.30am

到我了，过程很快，要注意的细节都看过了，没问题，放心投吧！出来的那一刻，好爽！蓝食指是当天的trend! 哈哈~

7pm

看着电视，开着lap-top, 开着苹果，一直注意选情~ 朋友们互相你一言我一语，fb 忙着帮忙share什么地区需要人手帮忙~ 我想没有人可以说我们不团结。一个选举可以把全国人民团结起来，保护自己及下一代的未来。我想，这不是任何人可以随意摧毁的。

1am

新政府成立了。

3am

心情很沉重，我想每个人都是。Fb一片漆黑，都盖不过心中失望。很累了~

6 May 2013

We will stay focus and united. To all Warriors of Malaysia, for a clean n fair election n a better future, Cheers!

Poker Face

I just received another sad news. Well, I guess God is stretching my limit on this.

I met this young lady during my summer trip to Europe. She came with her parents, a very bubbly, joyful and outspoken young teenager. We exchanged e-mail address; they invited us to pay them a visit anytime soon. A few minutes ago, I was told something bad happened to her. When I saw pictures of her on Facebook, and finally read the e-mail, my heart felt for her and her extended family.

Poker Face. This is what my friend describes me, she said I can always stay calm under critical situation. The fact is, I don’t always do that. But both my friend and this young lady actually trigger me to ask one question, “How many of us actually living under a poker face life?”

When we thought we are helping others to get over a bad situation, we couldn’t make it ourselves. When we thought we are putting on a smiley face but actually we are bleeding inside. We thought we are alone, abandoned and couldn’t make up to what people think we should be. At the end of the day, we are just a failure in disguise.

Do you get encouraged when people say, “Don’t give up, you are almost there.”? Do you believe it when they say,” You’ll be doing fine, don’t worry.”? We often hear this, but do we really take it seriously?

It seems like we have no one to share our problems, our deepest fear and hurt. It looks like we cannot be weak, or at least, we should pretend to be strong. Are you living under a poker face life? And thinking you are at the dead end, no one is listening and helping? Are you planning to end your life? I hope you are not doing this. Please don’t do this.  

Can I encourage you to share your burden to one closest friend of me? He is just a prayer away, tell Him your deepest hurt and fear, He will definitely go through the tough time with you, He is willing to carry you through it. When you think no one knows you, remember, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God.”

If He can bring you to it, He can bring you through it.

My prayers go to you.

p/s: Friend, this song is for you. 

The Lifebuilder's Creed

Greatly motivated by this- "The Lifebuilder's Creed" by Dale Witherington

when I first came across it in 'Today Matters' by John C. Maxwell.

So just thought of sharing it with you guys.

May we make each day our masterpiece for Him, by His grace. = )

Today is the most important day of my life.

Yesterday with its successes and victories, struggles and failures

Is gone forever.

The past is past.

Done.

Finished.

I cannot relive it. I cannot go back and change it.

But I will learn from it and improve my Today.

Today. This moment. NOW.

It is God’s gift to me and it is all that I have.

Tomorrow with its joys and sorrows, triumphs and troubles isn’t here yet.

Indeed, tomorrow may never come.

Therefore, I will not worry about tomorrow.

Today is what God has entrusted to me.

It is all that I have. I will do my best in it.

I will demonstrate the best of me in it-

My character, giftedness, and abilities-

To my family and friends, clients and associates.

I will identify those things that are most important to do Today,

And those things I will do until they are done.

And when this day is done

I will look back with satisfaction at that

Which I have accomplished.

Then, and only then, will I plan my tomorrow,

Looking to improve upon Today, with God’s help.

Then I shall go to sleep in peace…content.

May you be greatly encouraged by this poem by Dale Witherington.

God bless ya = )

By His facilitator

消失了？

今天想用中文写写心情~

还没算过自己写了多少身边的人、事、物。但很感谢这么久以来愿意花时间来了解我们身边所发生的事情的朋友们。呵呵。。。谢啦~

消失了大半年，到底做了些什么？

6月之7月：

1) 去了趟欧洲 - 在法国差点儿被小偷得逞；终于爬上了瑞士少女峰，还学人家寄了张明信片回家；在摄氏40度的意大利罗马逛到脚麻痹；奥地利的花真的很美；德国的香肠没有想象中好吃；荷兰的红灯区，隔壁就是一座教堂，错过了看郁金香的季节，但看到了风车。

拍了很多照片，跟很多人聊天，和陌生人擦肩而过。

三个字，“很过瘾”。

欧洲，我会再回来~

2）终于毕业了 - 戴上了梦寐以求的四方帽，告诉自己，“熬这么久，就是为了这个，值得！”我常常告诉自己，英国是上帝让我开眼界的地方；想要看到不同的风景，就要有勇气离开原来的地方；想要挑战自己的极限，就要去有竞争力的地方。所以我来到了一直不敢尝试 的国家 - 新加坡。

8月- 9 月：

1）在家待了一个多月，一面担心自己的前途，一面找浏览jobstreet.com, jobsdb.com； 一面寄履历，一面祈祷自己赶快找到适合的工作。一天晚上，睡前做了一个祷告，“上帝，如果新加坡在袮安排之中，让我找到合适的工作吧。” 就这样，开斋节前夕到了新加坡，准备面试。心情非常紧张，一路上哥哥一直陪我聊天；幸好有他，要不然我真的会胃穿洞。朋友告诉我这家医院很有名，自己心里有底，“应该不会请我吧，但没关系，慢慢找。” 结果第二天给了我一个大大的惊喜 – 被录取了；那时还在逛街，看着iphone，手一直在发抖。拨了一通电话告诉爸爸，眼泪在眼眶中打滚，很想哭。

就这样，签下了第一份 聘书，开心的不得了。但接下来，却是漫长的等待 – 申请工作证。一心想着可以快点拿到工作证，赶快开工，素不知一等再等，结果还是一样。。。等。每天醒来，一样的事情重复着做；吃饭，睡觉，看电视。一直告诉自己，去运动，看书，出去找找朋友 ，但一觉醒来，什么都不想做，赖在家发呆。朋友说就当作放假吧，要是哪一天开工了，想要请假就难了。哥哥说，“买份报纸，继续找工，总要有个plan B。” 这时再也忍不住，流泪了。从那时的充满自信到现在渐渐失去信心、不踏实。。。说真的，我也搞不清楚了。

2）听到一个消息，朋友进了医院，家人朋友都不放弃，一直在身边陪伴及鼓励她。这位朋友，中学同班一年，毕业后聚会偶尔会碰面。回想起中学时期，忘了多少次擦肩而过，彼此都知道对方的存在。淡淡的友情，心里却掀起了很大的龙卷风。今晚没来得及看天空，不知道你在吗？如果有机会梦到你，我们不要再擦肩而过，我们。。。坐下来聊天，好吗？

10月：

此时此刻，心情五味杂陈，你呢？

如果让我重新选择，我会选择安全牌，还是不安牌理出牌，勇敢冒险，然后写下一些值得回味的文章？你呢？

没有解不开的心结，过不了的关，放不下的恨。。。不要等到失去，才知道当初自己有多笨。撑过了今天，明天就没有那么痛了。就算哭到旁边的人都顶不顺，告诉你，一百年才见一次，管他的~~

p/s: 朋友，梦里见。还有。。这首歌，送你~

文字与音乐

HIV . HOPE . TB

Faith.Hope.Love. 
Ya, sounds logic and relevant.


But HIV.Hope.TB?
How do they relate to each other?
HIV and TB, ya, they both relate to depressing diseases;
nothing wrong to put these words together.


But how could Hope come between them?
Or rather how could Hope arise from them?


Served a HIV cum TB patient last month.
He has been in the TB ward for months.
I haven't seen anyone visited him throughout the week that I ministered to him.
Loneliness and solitude were what I saw in him.


A few thoughts came into my mind whenever I saw him.
Perhaps his family and friends have given up on him.
Perhaps he has hurt his loved ones in a deep way that we couldn't comprehend.
Perhaps deep down in his heart, he wished he could be given a brand new chance in his life and this time round he would make different major decisions in his life.
Perhaps like everyone else, he has also given up himself because he just couldn't see hope in his life anymore. 


Have you ever felt so ashamed that you wished you could just turn back time and erase those destructive actions of yours unto others?


Have you ever been in a situation where guilt and remorse were so overwhelming and you wished you could be given one more chance to reverse the entire scenario?


Have you ever felt so desperate and hopeless to an extent where you see death as the only solution for all your problems?


John 10:10 (NKJV; emphasis added)


"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.
I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." 


Matthew 9:10-13 (NKJV; emphasis added)


"Now it happened, as Jesus sat at the table in the house, 
that behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat down with Him and his disciples.


And when the Pharisees saw it,
they said to His disciples,
"Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?"


When Jesus heard that, He said to them,
"Those who are well have no need of a physician, 
but those who are sick.
But go and learn what this means:
'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.'
For I did not come to call the righteous, 
but sinners, to repentance."


Luke 4:18 (NKJV)


"The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me,
Because He has anointed Me 
To preach the gospel to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set liberty to those who are oppressed..."


So now, what do you see from the above verses?

I see a loving God wanted so much to give His creations abundant life.
I see a merciful God wanted so much to restore our broken lives; whether we have messed it up ourselves or broken by others.
Above all, I see Hope in the midst of sins, sickness and shame.


It's never your Creator's desire for you to bear the guilt and shame.
It's never His intention to see you drown in your regrets and self-condemnation.
But it's always His desire to give you a brand new start in your life; 
no matter what you've done; 
and right where you are;
HE WANTS TO SET YOU FREE.


All we need to do is just a humble confession,
and He will do the rest. = )


HIV.HOPE.TB
Can you relate them now? = )


May you be Blessed by this entry.
God bless you. = )


*HIV- Human immunodeficiency virus
 TB- Tuberculosis

The Real You

Long time no see yooo!!~lol..Please say you miss me..:p

I am good, spending my last three months here in uk and all I can say is TIME FLIES.

What I’ve been doing since my last blog??

Yeah..here you go!~

***

Never in my life I can actually sit down and study for hours, for both lecturers’ note and books. Did I mention BOOKS?? Because I realized that lecturers’ note was not enough to cover the details of what could possibly turn out in exam. It was just a few days before exam. I had the worst burning mid night oil revision ever.  Basically I’d cried badly the day before each paper; that’s how I release tension. I prayed hard, before and after each paper, before revision and before I go to bed. And I promised to write about this if I pass all the subjects. And yes, I did pass all the subjects.

But what I really want to share is, do I pray as hard after that?? The answer is…NOT REALLY.

***

It seems like wherever I stay, there will be a noisy neighbour. Be it loud music or partying, those were the very LAST thing I would like to deal with after a long tiring day. It did not turn out the way I wanted even though I tried to communicate politely. But, I’ll still fight for it for the sake of my “little peaceful moment”.Hm.. .What did I do to get that? LOL~ By banging the door, shouting out loud, throwing stuff against the wall. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. So, can you imagine I have to bang the door everyday?? You’ll just laugh off nicely…But to be honest, I don’t bang it everyday, just occasionally.

Next, what if I meet my neighbour face to face? It depends, if I am in the good mood, I’ll be nice, otherwise (or the music is too loud), I’ll just walk pass them. Mind you, they have no obligations to take care of me, neither do they have the responsibility on my happiness or well-being. In other words, I can freely express my concern but they can choose not to listen. This is one thing I learn from them.

Now I have two choices; complain or deal with it. That’s the hardest thing for me. It’s just a repeating cycle; I get so angry at first, complain later, feeling nothing after that. I have no strength to pray for more patience and love, sadly. I just complain, releasing my anger to God…Only God knows.

***

I am currently working on my thesis. This is the first time I am designing my own experiment and testing it as to whether it answers my questions. Going into laboratory without knowing whether or not my experiment is going to work out, that’s adventurous and boring at the same time, because I am so used to “Prepared Model Answers”. I am a bit lost at first, I don’t know where am I heading to, what if I couldn’t get it? What is the right way? What am I doing? How I hope there’ll be one book that telling me the right way to do it and the model answers to all my questions.

***

Well, to be exact, I want God to fix all my problems while I can carry on with my way of enjoying life. I fast-forward the worst part and go on with the good part, putting Him away when I am in good shape. This is the real side of me. And, I don’t embrace all these, so don’t copy me please (especially the banging door part!). This is the part where God has to deal with me, in order to change my way of thinking and living. I need to hand over myself to Him, good or bad, He is in control. I can be a good Christian, but not a good disciple. Last week during church service, a sister shared about discipleship, now that hits me a lot because I don’t have what she said as a disciple of God. I am just plainly an easy, convenient Christian.

But God is yet to give up on me, this sister is sending His message to me,

“Then he said to them all, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”  - Luke 9:23

It can be your addictions, bad habits, money…anything that draws you away from Him, He is there helping you to overcome these obstacles. . He is interested in bringing you back into His arms and He is there to put away any stumbling blocks that draw you away from Him.

“…because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” – Romans 5:3-5

The power of weakness is the strongest if you allow God to work on them, because He can turn bad into good, impossible to possible.  

Are you ready to give God the real you today? 

- To be continued - 

By,

Word n Music