God is Love

God is patient, God is kind.

He does not envy, He does not boast,

He is not easily angered,

He keeps no record of wrongs.

God does not delight in evil

but rejoices with the truth.

He always protects, always trust,

always hopes, always perseveres.

God never fails.

*******

From middle May till end of June,

I was not doing my quiet time.

I completely shut down myself from God.

The feeling was terrible.

I was like driving a car without a map,

without any direction.

And yet I was trying every exit I could find,

with little strength that I left with,

I went round and round the road.

I was lost.

Completely.

My friend prepared me a set of test tubes for an experiment.

I asked God, “What have I done to deserve this?”

As I reflect back, it was just like my relationship with God.

I thought I should handle things myself.

But it was wrong.

I pray for blessings and anointing,

But I turned out using my own strength rather than God’s.

Horrible.

Imagine if I turn down the offer from my friend

and carry on with my own work.

I broke that relationship.

In the same way,

I break down my relationship with God.

I am truly sorry Lord.

God is reminding me of a relationship that He longs for.

A great time with His daughter,

I lost it 2 years back,

Too busy to lift up myself rather His Kingdom.

I am truly sorry Father.

He is giving me a second chance,

to come back to Him,

under His care and His Holy Presence.

Nothing compares to have a relationship with Father in Heaven.

He is asking me,

“Are you able to give up worldly expectation of you and take Mine?”

How would I possibly say No.

“Leave out all the negative thoughts that haunt you.”

This I never realize.

I thought I was doing great.

But God is faithful and patient enough.

Thank You Father.

You never leave me,

never forsake me.

Your unconditional love,

cleanses me.

I find acceptance in You,

not from the world,

not from people.

But solely in You, Lord.

I exalt You Father.

Amen.

Time: 10:47pm

Date: 7 July 2010

p/s: I wrote this last year, thought of sharing this with all of you~:)

God will lead me home

I missed a turn when I was driving to church service one fine sunday. I was too late to realize it and I had to take a longer route there. What make things worst was, I couldn't find a parking and I was late. At that point I just wanna go home and pretend nothing happened. But I told myself to calm down and looked for a parking somewhere else and walked all the way to the church. I felt really lousy that day.

I have few things in my hands now - God, family, my current job and my plan to go further study this year. On top of that, I am a voluntary member in one of organization to be a secretary for an international event. It doesnt take me long to realize that I cant handle all of these in one go. The last thing I wanted to do after a whole day of working is to sit down and listen to the recording over and over again just to prepare a minute that everyone can understand. It is not an easy job, try that and see.

However, people will tell you, dont give up easily, you can learn a lot from it, you'll get to know a lot of people because this is a major event. There will be problems, but when you can it out, you already know where to get the answer. Good. I gave in, I felt challenged, I wanted to learn from it, get to know more people and more experience. But for all the wrong the reasons. My motive is wrong, my priority is not about God anymore, it is about earning respect from others. My eyes are on human, not God. My focus is on what I dont have and I want to have it but NOT God, who is always there for me, who is already in my heart. I felt so suck up and I started to blame everyone for this. But one finger pointing out, four fingers pointing me back. I get more hurt. GREAT. I felt like a loser, I just couldnt live up their standard. I gave my right to the world to determine my life. People expect me to get up and walk..but I refuse to do it. There should be something more, there should be something keep me moving..that reason must be God, nothing else.

I went to a church programme called Encounter Day, where I was challenged left and right to leave my baggages and bondages to God and move on like an eager. I had no where to hide but to confess all my sins before God, in front of a group of sisters in christ. My goodness, but Holy Spirit touched my heart and I just did it. They prayed for me, for the first time I felt so relieved. My life is safe under God's Hands. I dont have to worry, I am His little princess and I am good. I have my own short-comings but I know I dearly loved.

But life still goes on, I have to get my focus right, and my motive right before God. There are something far more important in my life that I should go after. In that case, I have to say NO to certain things that look good. All things are good, but not everything is right for me. I have to arrange my priority list right. It does not matter how others will think of me, but I should be the one that take full responsibility on my life. I have the last say. I am shocked to realize that all these while I let other people to decide my life, I give in easily. EASILY...and I was so naive to think that they will return me with good reward. As if that's all I want.

Is your life in a mess?Just like me, you might missed a turn, couldnt find a car park and you were late. But it's never too late for God. Dont give up on God, He will lead you back to His perfect plan, as always.You might take a longer route compare to others,but it is your heart that matters. Be a man/woman that after God's own heart. He should be the one that keeps us moving. Make Him your top priority, and you wont regret it.

Oh ya, that Sunday, pastor was preaching about finishing the race well. OUCH!!~I called it a lousy day... but God gave me a lesson even before hand.

I am just...speechles.

Do not be dismayed, for God is with us. Amen