What's Next?Trust God.

I am looking forward to the next project that God will me. What is like? How will it go? Where will it be? I know that God is with me all the time. I realize something important through these 2 months – my relationship with God is always my first priority.

I have not been doing my quiet time for 2 months. I would rather say my relationship with God is getting colder. I look good from the outside, but I don’t have the peace inside, it was still the wicked me that covered up well. I am living a double life, and YES, I am two timing God. I still go to church, I still believe in God, I still love God. Or…am I? I always ask God, “Will You still love me even if I don’t, or at least I started to “not so willing” anymore?” I have been giving as many reasons as I could to analyze my thoughts and my actions – I am running away from my own pain. The Truth hurts, but is the lie that kills. I can’t earn God’s love, it is given freely through the Blood of Jesus. But I was doing it with all the wrong reason to bribe God. I was totally wrong. God still bless me, why? I could have died thousand times to my own sins but God make me stay, why? I feel so ashamed to come before Him and confess myself. Where should I start, what should I do?

The fire is getting dimmer, I am losing my way in God. Words are coming in and out of my mind at the same time, I cant concentrate well, I am losing my patience, I am…I am turning away from God but I cant afford to lose Him. I have no words to describe myself.

I know this is the part that I have to deal with God myself, it is a very big step for me to get back on my feet from where I fall. I trust God for every situation He puts me in, because He will never let me fighting this battle alone. I challenge myself to realize the possibilities lie in every situation, I allow myself to be challenged and counter it back with God’s words. I don’t cover up myself but I do slowly let it all out under the sun. People are more interested in watching us getting back on our feet through failures with God’s strength. I am falling hard, but I know God’s love is even bigger. He has so much love for me, He can give even more into your life. My prayer for you today.

“When you see there is only one set of foot print on the sand, it is God that carrying you on His shoulder.” Amen.