My days in a different land.

13 hours flight, 40kg++ stuff and here I am in UK. How’s that feel? Well, I had a serious jet lag, I was terribly homesick, no familiar faces, no more char kuew teow and longtime favourite Teh C. Checked in to hostel, registered to university and reported myself to the course, went through the whole orientation programme, saw my final year coursemates. But NOTHING fills my empty heart. I wanna go back to Malaysia so badly. What fills it in then? Fear, loneliness, self-pity…finally, I broke into tears. I called home, I just cried. Will I be able to make it through? Why am I here? Why must I go through this? Why am I putting myself in all of these? As if I am in a really miserable situation right now. The moment I walk down the street, my heart just drop to the bottom. I don’t belong here. I am trying to stay positive, but the truth is - it’s just harder than I thought.

40kg++ stuff doesn’t help much either, 3 different brand of instant coffee and tea is the only Malaysian Food that I can bring, the rest?? Winter clothing, some toiletries, not more than 10 pieces of normal clothing, 2 hand bags, 1 pair of sandals, and sport shoe. Travel Light? IT IS HEAVY MY DEAR…

What was added on to the luggage was my own fear: I know it’ll be great, but how about the worst? I’ve put in a lot of “how about” into my luggage bag. I feel restless, I can’t sleep well, I asked my mum, “Am I normal? This is normal but painful process before everyone going through the next step?” I was clueless.

Friends were asking me, “How are you? Everything is fine with you?”

To be honest, my answer is kind of disappointed. I often said “Yes, I am good. I love the scenery.” Sorry my friends. The truth is, I am still in the process of culture shock-ing, adapting, crying, complaining, blaming here and there…It was an eye opening experiences, but everything was started in a painful way. Ouch~~ But yes, I do love the scenery very much and that’s the only answer I have at the moment.

“How am I going to cope with this?”

“Guide me, Lord”

And the I saw this,

‎"You Can Never Cross the Ocean Unless You Have the Courage to Lose Sight of the Shore" 

-by Christopher Columbus

Pierce right into my heart.

I am focusing on what is not supposed to be worried about. I forgot that God has better things for me in life. This happens to me all the time. I always forget that God will guide me through and I should never worry about tomorrow, I always encourage people around to stay positive but crying myself in the room, I always forget that I am a human with feelings too.

“Lord, please remind me each time that You are God in my life”

God never fail to do that. Whenever I was in trouble, He is there reminding me something important – He is God. It has to happen in a painful way so that I know; His way is always higher than my way. I should always look to Him, find peace in Him and rest in His Arms.

So happened to walk around and saw Band of Royal Marines playing “Amazing Grace”. I was amazed, it was like a surprised from a father to a child wanting something so badly. When I was busy looking at my own problem, He told me, “Exchange with Me, give Me your burden, and rest in Me.”

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

And then I saw something which amazed me even more,

See the rainbow??~

It always reminds me of the covenant God made with us. It gives me extra strength to move on.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My Righteous Right Hand."

- Isaiah 41:10

God is the only One who can see beyond what I can or cannot do, with Him to walk this journey with me, that's a blessing to me. God sees what is ahead of me and willing to guide me through the oceans when I have so much fear of losing the sight of the shore. What more can i say?

All glory to God.

Amen.

By,

Word n Music

diRtY IcE CubE, anyone?

Last year, I celebrated my birthday with my family in a restaurant back in my hometown.

While waiting for the dishes to be served,

my 2-year-old niece was playing with an ice cube.

She then accidentally dropped the ice cube on the floor (the floor is very dirty as many people had walked on it).

But she wanted to pick that ice cube up and play again.

Of course my sister had to stop her from doing that because it was so dirty.

But she cried and insisted that she wanted that piece of dirty ice cube.

My sis told her, “I'll give you a new one, wipe your hand first.”

She still kept crying because she hadn't seen the new one and hence she couldn't believe what my sister had said.

Then finally she stopped crying after my sister gave her a new and clean ice cube to play. = )

Our relationship with God is somehow like a parent and a child.

We can't see what is the best for us.

We always thought that the one we wanted is the only one available and it is the best.

We might say,

“God, I want XX/YY to be my boyfriend or girlfriend.

He or she is the best for me.

Why? Why You allowed him/her to be attached to someone else?? Why????”

Are you sure he/she is the best for you?

You may say ‘Yes’ when you are 15,

but how about 10 or 20 years down the road?

Can you still be sure about that?

Will you still be attracted by the guy or gal that is mere handsome or pretty;

that only can say “I love you” with words but not in action?

Will you still choose to be with the one that is ‘fun to be with’ but not providing or care for you and your children? = )

Or…

“God, surely You know that I needed this job.

You know that I have been unemployed for months.

I needed it badly and I thought it suited me.

The job description sounded interesting and most importantly, the pay is good.

But why??? Why You let the boss employ someone else instead of me????”   

You know what, God might give you something way better than you can ever imagine.

Someone close to me once applied to be an English teacher in a primary school,

but she received no news from the school.

She was in her 6-month pregnancy at that point of time.

She needed a job badly.

She asked me in despair, “Why didn’t God open the door? I really wish to get the job…”

I told her, “because He has something better for you. = )”

True enough, she got a job as a lecturer in a renowned university when she was in her 7-month pregnancy. (2 more months to her due date)

Isn’t HE amazing?! ; )

Isaiah 55:8-9

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are My ways higher than your ways,

And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Romans 8:32

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

If He has given His Son for us, definitely He will never withhold something/someone that's best for us. = )

God always has something so much better for us, it's just that we haven't seen it and we find it really hard to believe that.

Just like my sister, He wouldn't give us the 'ice cube' if it's dirty,

He will surely give us a new and clean one. = )

It's on the way~~

Matthew 7:11

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

I always feel very assured after reading these verses.

May you be blessed and encouraged by His Words and Promises, too. ; )

By His facilitator