Have You Ever Seen a Complete Road Map on The Road Signboard?

I have never.

I could only see a few directions along the way from time to time. = )

I have just finished my studies.
Left the place where I was 'stuck' in for the past 5 years.
Leaving behind a bunch of close friends as well as the ministry that I was familiar with.

Back in my hometown now.
Waiting for posting.
I don't know when I will be receiving the letter;
I don't know where I will be posted to.
The uncertainties were testing my patience.
I was eager to know what's God's next plan for my life.

I want to know where He would place me.
I want to know how He wants me to serve Him in this new phase of my life.
I want to know whether I get to stay close with my family.
I WANT TO LOOK INTO THE FUTURE.
But everything is a question mark.
I was anxious. I was restless. I was unhappy.

Just when everyone else was enjoying their holidays,
I was struggling with my own impatience.

Until I came across a verse,

Proverbs 16:20

"... And whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he."

This verse somehow reminded me that I don't have to know the future to be happy,
all that I need to do is just to TRUST in the LORD.

Just like being a driver, 
I have never seen a complete road map on the road signboard.
If I don't know the way and I have no GPS or whatever map with me,
all that I could do is to depend on the road signboard that appear along the way from time to time to take me to my destination.

The same goes for our lives. 
We could never see the whole course of our lives.
All that we need to do is just to trust in the LORD in every single step we take,
for He would guide us and direct our steps along the way as we seek Him and trust in Him. = )

I love this quote that was being shared by one of my pastors,

*If you don't know where you are heading to on a pitch-dark road,
just trust in the LIGHT that brightens 100 metre of the path that lies ahead of you.
It will reveal the route to you bit by bit and eventually your destination.*  = )

Right now, I just want to make the most out of every present moment of my life that He gifted me at the same time trusting Him for my future. = )  



by His facilitator

Depression

A heavy topic, but I guess most of us have had it at some point of our life, whether or not we realize it. Me too. Shocking news? Aha…Never say Never…

People can easily use the word “Depressed” but actually they are not quiet there yet, and I am sure you definitely don’t want to be part of this mess. I struggle to share this because I don’t know what will happened after this. Aaaaa...Do I have to do this? I asked God over and over. Finally, He showed me the reason why – If God can pick me up from this valley, He can and He will do the same to you, or even more. So here is my message for those who are suffering with depression right now. Let God take over you and heal you.

Listen.

I believed I can achieve any goal as long as I put my full effort in it. I believed I should be initiative enough so that people will take me seriously. It was all about me, myself and I. Sometimes I enjoyed being the center of attention, well who didn’t? On top of that, I considered myself as happy go lucky type of person. Oh yeah…

Back then my life was simple. I was surrounded by good bunch of friends, no academic problem, nothing at all. I was actively involved in all kinds of activities, carrying the “Look at Me” attitude. Simple life huh? Well, at least I thought it was...

Everything went on nicely until I was away from home to KL. It was the beginning of my worst nightmare. I felt like a complete stranger to this new environment. I thought I was adventurous enough and strong enough. I THOUGHT. You see how our mind can trick us sometimes? Perhaps you think I should be happy about having new life in new place. I THOUGHT I was happy…BUT…

First of all I didn’t know how to response to all the changes around me. I felt reluctant to ask for help, so I continued to suppress my feelings and moved on. I was sensitive to friends around me, I was everything you need but not necessarily what I need. I felt insecure. I wanted more attention…MORE!!~

Second of all I covered up my weaknesses so that people love me as a friend that I thought they would want to love. I was quiet, easily persuaded. But people know me as a friend who is approachable, kind hearted? Erm…you name it. My point is, I may look good from the outside, but my heart was so rotten.

However, the more I ran away from the problem and covered it up, the bigger it became. It finally ruptured and I was all over the place. Most important part was, I was sick. Mentally and spiritually sick. I was so afraid to sleep at night, I was so afraid that somehow I’ll sleep walking and hurt myself. When I was crossing the road, I had a sudden rush to go against the car. I lost my appetite. I’ll get panic attack easily and somehow I heard someone was asking me to go away from the crowd and be alone. It was that bad.

But nope I didn’t hurt myself. That was really something amazing from God – He protected me and led me into prayer. One name came across my mind, and I looked for her. I stayed with her, talked everything out to her. She cried with me. For the first time, I completely let go of myself and bared it all. She prayed with me, and I remember she was singing a song to me. I couldn’t stop crying. Tears washed away my burden. She left me in her room, asking me to continue praying and spending time with Him, talking to Him, or even reading the His Word. I was alone with God in the room. As I read the Bible, God spoke to me, “It was you. It was you yourself.” All of the sudden, I realized that I was the problem. It was all coming back to me. I wanted the whole world but it didn’t go as I planned but I blames everyone for it. I was so so wrong!!~ I MADE THAT ALL UP. Oh dear…what have I done?

I knelt down, and repent. I told my parents about it. I seek medical advices and started medication. All these happened 4 years back. Looking back, it was a definitely a bumpy road but God’s grace is enough for me each day. I still remember the very moment I knelt down and prayed for repentance, I felt relieved. There wasn’t any condemnation from God, just peace. I knew I was wrong, but I also knew that somehow I will be okay. I was once again, amazed by His grace.

He is willing to forgive, when we are willing to tell Him our mistakes – repentance.

Today, I am free from medication and walk out freely from depression. All glory to God. I cannot do this without Him. His love, forgiveness, His grace…everything about Him fills me up again with hope. I was hopeless before and now I am full of hope by His grace. “It is not how you run away from the rain, but how you dance under the rain.” Life gets harder but God gets even stronger in my heart.

My dear friend, are you going through some stuff in your life? Are you slowly isolating yourself from the crowd? Are you suffering from depression and having some bad thoughts in your mind? Do you feel helpless about your life? Are you hiding your true feelings away and try to solve it on your own? Are you feeling like you are not good enough for people around you, or even God?

“What can you do when your good isn’t good enough,
    And all that you’ve touched tumbles down.
   Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things, I just want to fix it somehow.
   But how many times will it take? 
   How many times will it take for me?
   To get it right?”

- “Get it Right” by Glee

Are you trying to fix your life but things just not getting right? And you are tired of fighting this battle alone? Are you about to give up?

Please don’t. Life is worth living and God has a much bigger plan for you. He is more than willing to walk this bumpy road with you and guide you to His perfect plan, specially designed for you. When we are in a terrible mess, God is willing to stay by your side, and make things right. Why not open up ourselves to Him and say a little prayer to Him today? 

Dedicate this song to you, “Get it right” by Glee. Let God fix your life, and see that He has a lot to bless you and your future.

Be blessed.

A little too much - Something Borrowed Soundtrack

I soooo gonna watch this movie, I love this song and I've made a slight change that kinda suits my current situation. Let's sing this song together my friends. You might be having certain problems and you feel like a mess. You are not alone, God is there to your rescue and it is definately not something borrowed, it is FREELY given to you - His unconditional LOVE. My prayer for you, "Sing out, cry out and reach out to Him, He will and He is always near to your heart"

A little too much (Something Borrowed Soundtrack) - Natasha Bedingfield


Sometimes it hits like a car crash
And it's to late to reverse
Sometimes You make me a better person
Sometimes You bring out the worst
Sometimes I get on like fire
Sometimes I was stubborn like rain
Just when I think it's over, over
You wave and say come to Me
I fall out and I fall back in
We're always back where we begin

Everybody hurts just a little too much
Everybody hurts but it's never enough
It's wonderful to fall
Let's love and risk it all
I'd rather love just a little too much

Sometimes I am trapped in the circle
'Til I am digging holes in the ground
I am trying, but nothing is working
But still I want You around
'Cause if I'm lost in the desert
I know somehow You'll find me
And if I drown in the oceans,
You'll be the first to rescue me...

Everybody hurts just a little too much
Everybody hurts but it's never enough
It's wonderful to fall
Let's love and risk it all
I'd rather love just a little too much

Everybody hurts just a little too much
Everybody hurts but it's never enough
We fall out and we fall back in
We're always back where we begin

Everybody hurts just a little too much
Everybody hurts but it's never enough
It's wonderful to fall
Let's love and risk it all
Even if it hurts just a little too much
I'd rather love just a little too much

God is Love

God is patient, God is kind.

He does not envy, He does not boast,

He is not easily angered,

He keeps no record of wrongs.

God does not delight in evil

but rejoices with the truth.

He always protects, always trust,

always hopes, always perseveres.

God never fails.

*******

From middle May till end of June,

I was not doing my quiet time.

I completely shut down myself from God.

The feeling was terrible.

I was like driving a car without a map,

without any direction.

And yet I was trying every exit I could find,

with little strength that I left with,

I went round and round the road.

I was lost.

Completely.

My friend prepared me a set of test tubes for an experiment.

I asked God, “What have I done to deserve this?”

As I reflect back, it was just like my relationship with God.

I thought I should handle things myself.

But it was wrong.

I pray for blessings and anointing,

But I turned out using my own strength rather than God’s.

Horrible.

Imagine if I turn down the offer from my friend

and carry on with my own work.

I broke that relationship.

In the same way,

I break down my relationship with God.

I am truly sorry Lord.

God is reminding me of a relationship that He longs for.

A great time with His daughter,

I lost it 2 years back,

Too busy to lift up myself rather His Kingdom.

I am truly sorry Father.

He is giving me a second chance,

to come back to Him,

under His care and His Holy Presence.

Nothing compares to have a relationship with Father in Heaven.

He is asking me,

“Are you able to give up worldly expectation of you and take Mine?”

How would I possibly say No.

“Leave out all the negative thoughts that haunt you.”

This I never realize.

I thought I was doing great.

But God is faithful and patient enough.

Thank You Father.

You never leave me,

never forsake me.

Your unconditional love,

cleanses me.

I find acceptance in You,

not from the world,

not from people.

But solely in You, Lord.

I exalt You Father.

Amen.

Time: 10:47pm

Date: 7 July 2010

p/s: I wrote this last year, thought of sharing this with all of you~:)

God will lead me home

I missed a turn when I was driving to church service one fine sunday. I was too late to realize it and I had to take a longer route there. What make things worst was, I couldn't find a parking and I was late. At that point I just wanna go home and pretend nothing happened. But I told myself to calm down and looked for a parking somewhere else and walked all the way to the church. I felt really lousy that day.

I have few things in my hands now - God, family, my current job and my plan to go further study this year. On top of that, I am a voluntary member in one of organization to be a secretary for an international event. It doesnt take me long to realize that I cant handle all of these in one go. The last thing I wanted to do after a whole day of working is to sit down and listen to the recording over and over again just to prepare a minute that everyone can understand. It is not an easy job, try that and see.

However, people will tell you, dont give up easily, you can learn a lot from it, you'll get to know a lot of people because this is a major event. There will be problems, but when you can it out, you already know where to get the answer. Good. I gave in, I felt challenged, I wanted to learn from it, get to know more people and more experience. But for all the wrong the reasons. My motive is wrong, my priority is not about God anymore, it is about earning respect from others. My eyes are on human, not God. My focus is on what I dont have and I want to have it but NOT God, who is always there for me, who is already in my heart. I felt so suck up and I started to blame everyone for this. But one finger pointing out, four fingers pointing me back. I get more hurt. GREAT. I felt like a loser, I just couldnt live up their standard. I gave my right to the world to determine my life. People expect me to get up and walk..but I refuse to do it. There should be something more, there should be something keep me moving..that reason must be God, nothing else.

I went to a church programme called Encounter Day, where I was challenged left and right to leave my baggages and bondages to God and move on like an eager. I had no where to hide but to confess all my sins before God, in front of a group of sisters in christ. My goodness, but Holy Spirit touched my heart and I just did it. They prayed for me, for the first time I felt so relieved. My life is safe under God's Hands. I dont have to worry, I am His little princess and I am good. I have my own short-comings but I know I dearly loved.

But life still goes on, I have to get my focus right, and my motive right before God. There are something far more important in my life that I should go after. In that case, I have to say NO to certain things that look good. All things are good, but not everything is right for me. I have to arrange my priority list right. It does not matter how others will think of me, but I should be the one that take full responsibility on my life. I have the last say. I am shocked to realize that all these while I let other people to decide my life, I give in easily. EASILY...and I was so naive to think that they will return me with good reward. As if that's all I want.

Is your life in a mess?Just like me, you might missed a turn, couldnt find a car park and you were late. But it's never too late for God. Dont give up on God, He will lead you back to His perfect plan, as always.You might take a longer route compare to others,but it is your heart that matters. Be a man/woman that after God's own heart. He should be the one that keeps us moving. Make Him your top priority, and you wont regret it.

Oh ya, that Sunday, pastor was preaching about finishing the race well. OUCH!!~I called it a lousy day... but God gave me a lesson even before hand.

I am just...speechles.

Do not be dismayed, for God is with us. Amen
 

I have a pair of Great Hands holding me tight

“Welcome HOME”, this was what God whispered to me last 2 weeks during service. It was great to be connected with God’s people again. I am not doing so well lately but God’s grace is enough for me to go through everyday, good or bad. I have been thinking how to summarize my four and half year’s life in KL for 2 months, what I should expect from this year and year ahead, and most importantly, I am looking for a job right now. GREAT!


With all the questions in my head, I started to move on my own, rather than asking God what I should do. Strange isn’t it? I trust God, with my own understanding. Tell you, I do that all the time. I am not proud of it, but that shows I am moving away from God, and God is trying to hold me back into His arms again. Guess what, He did~ He always does. Amazing right?

For the past four and half years I was learning how to find myself, but now God is telling how to be myself. It is a whole new different aspect and of course, a lot more good and bad are coming on my way. How am I supposed to know what to do, how to do, where to do. God is putting people in my life to teach me lessons. Whether I like it or not, I have to deal with it, I have to figure out what to do, and one most important thing, I must ACT! I must put my words into actions. It is not easy all the times but when I finally make the first move, the rest is easier than I thought. Even if it doesn’t, I know who to turn to. I don’t have to be perfect for everybody, but I must do something so that people know that I am willing to learn and make mistakes, I am responsible for my own decision and I am willing to ask for help if I can’t make it. I will be hearing nasty words, rejections or something worst than that, but I am able to take them all and still work the best out of it. I will wipe my tears and move on. I am willing to apologize, learn the lesson and let go.

God wants a broken heart, that’s you and me. I am not at my best situation right now but I always know that God’s grace is enough for me to move on. I am not saying you can spit bad words on me and I would feel nothing because no one likes that. But I know my focus is not on the negative side, but on God. People can crush me, sometimes my spirit but not His plan for me. I can be very fragile, but my God is strong. And you, Mr.GIANT, cannot defeat my Heavenly Father because somehow He is able to make me get back on my feet and move on. It is not about me, but Him. This is my God. And I want you to know Him and welcome Him into your life. Amen.

Sounds a little heavy, but anyway, Chinese New year is around the corner, wishing all of you a Happy Prosperous Chinese New Year. Enjoy.

Only One Thing is Needed...

And Jesus answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things.
But ONE thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her."

Luke 10:41-42

"The service attendance is so low for the past few months or perhaps, years; more members please!!!"

"My cell group members didn't keen on attending cell group at all..."

"The musical instrument doesn't sound nice today, I can't concentrate worshiping God.."

"The temperature in church is too cold, let me adjust it..."

"I don't have time for quiet moment with God, I need to minister to people each night, they need me.."


Luke 10:39-40

...Mary, who also sat at Jesus' feet and heard His word.

But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said,
"Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?
Therefore tell her to help me."

Jesus' response was...

And Jesus answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things.
But ONE thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her."

Luke 10:41-42

Yes, only One thing is needed, that is a humble and pure heart for God.
An undivided heart for Him is what He desires from us.

Not the excessive serving, serving do not equal to our love for God.

Unknowingly, we might be...
Serving for the sake of serving;
Singing without worshiping Him;
Playing musical instrument without Him being the Audience;
Enjoy leading people for our own kingdom instead of His kingdom;
Loving the church as an organisation without loving Him.

Remember, one One thing is needed,
let's sit by His feet each day and listen what He actually wants.

Just fix our eyes on Him,
and everything else will take its place.

only One thing is needed... = )