饥饿30 - 感想篇

好久没有上来聊聊天，忙碌的工作成了非常大的借口~好不容易逮到了机会参加饥饿30活动，

想换个环境透透气，想暂时离开自己的舒适区，感受不一样的人情世故…结果是…

1)      突然来到一个900多个义工的团体，有一点不适应；工作的环境让我习惯一个人做八     爪鱼，900多个人让我惊觉一个人再有能力，能做到的非常少。

2)      好久没有感受到那么爽快地付出；那里需要帮忙，只要组长开口，都有一群义工协助，再看看我自己，什么时候，我也学会了斤斤计较，先保护自己，不要吃亏。

3)      说是去认识新朋友，但却懒得先开口说话，什么时候，我不再像从前那么热情。

4)      说是义工，但只要自己的工作做完了，就懒得动了。就像平时上班一样，等着下班快点回家。

5)      不再期望之后会有什么后续，过了就算了。

6)      领养了一个小孩，只希望他快快乐乐长大，活着既然不容易，但让人想活下去的一定是一个美好的希望，希望他也是这么想。

生活既然那么多无奈，那生活下去的理由一定是让人觉得 -“我可以改变现在的状况”。

让我想想…现在可以让我继续走下去理由只有一个，

“If you see only one set of footprints in the sand, it was then that I carried you..,”

泛黄的圣经，多久没有打开来好好领受上帝的话语，说起来，又是让我惭愧的事情，朋友一句“Faith without work is dead”没有实际行动，又信念又如何？

我…无言…

祷告，已假装不了，因为袮的爱我需要，袮心意对我重...

Please carry me Lord…

Word n Music

仰望

4 May 2013

11pm

工作完毕，拖着疲惫的身躯，随便吃个晚餐，回家冲凉，简单收拾行李，准备去机场。但这次的心情不同，有种要完成一个使命的感觉。

6am

同事载我去KL Sentral,虽然早已买好票，但全程走路都是用 ’飞’的速度赶去坐KLIA Express
Train 到机场 - 我是个标准的 ‘紧张大师’，尤其是赶飞机。

9.20am

通常一上飞机我都一路睡到降落，但这次做我隔壁的小姐和我聊天，一直到降落前20分钟，没停过。我们成长的故事都不同，但我们都有同一个目的，我想当天回家的游子们都一样 – 就是把我们手中的一票投给未来。

3am

一直都有跟进选举的报告，但此时此刻，心情很复杂，睡不着~

终于

5 May 2013

7.13am

起床准备去投票，投票区外面很多人，尤其我的Saluran。虽然看了几百遍youtube的投票tutorial,还是忍不住问爸爸投票有什么程序，要注意些什么。

10.30am

到我了，过程很快，要注意的细节都看过了，没问题，放心投吧！出来的那一刻，好爽！蓝食指是当天的trend! 哈哈~

7pm

看着电视，开着lap-top, 开着苹果，一直注意选情~ 朋友们互相你一言我一语，fb 忙着帮忙share什么地区需要人手帮忙~ 我想没有人可以说我们不团结。一个选举可以把全国人民团结起来，保护自己及下一代的未来。我想，这不是任何人可以随意摧毁的。

1am

新政府成立了。

3am

心情很沉重，我想每个人都是。Fb一片漆黑，都盖不过心中失望。很累了~

6 May 2013

We will stay focus and united. To all Warriors of Malaysia, for a clean n fair election n a better future, Cheers!

Poker Face

I just received another sad news. Well, I guess God is stretching my limit on this.

I met this young lady during my summer trip to Europe. She came with her parents, a very bubbly, joyful and outspoken young teenager. We exchanged e-mail address; they invited us to pay them a visit anytime soon. A few minutes ago, I was told something bad happened to her. When I saw pictures of her on Facebook, and finally read the e-mail, my heart felt for her and her extended family.

Poker Face. This is what my friend describes me, she said I can always stay calm under critical situation. The fact is, I don’t always do that. But both my friend and this young lady actually trigger me to ask one question, “How many of us actually living under a poker face life?”

When we thought we are helping others to get over a bad situation, we couldn’t make it ourselves. When we thought we are putting on a smiley face but actually we are bleeding inside. We thought we are alone, abandoned and couldn’t make up to what people think we should be. At the end of the day, we are just a failure in disguise.

Do you get encouraged when people say, “Don’t give up, you are almost there.”? Do you believe it when they say,” You’ll be doing fine, don’t worry.”? We often hear this, but do we really take it seriously?

It seems like we have no one to share our problems, our deepest fear and hurt. It looks like we cannot be weak, or at least, we should pretend to be strong. Are you living under a poker face life? And thinking you are at the dead end, no one is listening and helping? Are you planning to end your life? I hope you are not doing this. Please don’t do this.  

Can I encourage you to share your burden to one closest friend of me? He is just a prayer away, tell Him your deepest hurt and fear, He will definitely go through the tough time with you, He is willing to carry you through it. When you think no one knows you, remember, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God.”

If He can bring you to it, He can bring you through it.

My prayers go to you.

p/s: Friend, this song is for you.